I Don't Know How Long I Could Do This.

I started it as a prank on one of my closest male friend since I was a kid. I thought it’d be fun if I’d kid him around and play with him even if we’re both grown-ups now. It is really funny, if you’d look at it in the sidelines. Well, not until I felt this tingling confusion deep inside me.

At first, I don’t pay much attention with what I feel. It feels normal, in a way that it doesn’t seem to bother me. I started poking him repeatedly and it makes me smile widely whenever he pokes me back. It feels like the attention I was looking for was being satisfied by this simple behaviour. Then, I sent messages to him. I forced him to reply back and pretend to be mad whenever he doesn’t. We kid and joke around and he makes me laugh in every simple thing he says; even if it’s really not humorous.  At night, I’d stay up late just to wait for him to go online and when he does, I’d start a playful conversation again. It’s always been like that, until tonight.

I can’t help but ask myself why I am doing these unfathomable things. It’s unexplainable; totally out of the question. A sane person wouldn’t do the things I did just because she likes to play. A sane person wouldn’t spend hours and hours thinking of what may have been. A sane person wouldn’t have thoughts about dating her friend if the other person is really just a friend! So I’m insane?

I’m going crazy thinking about him and about us. I’m totally confused and I don’t know how long things would last. I’m scared to get hurt and I’m scared to lose the friendship we managed to build until now. I don’t want to lose him but he doesn’t feel the same way!

Life is unfair, right? You can’t have something you really want and need but some other people just threw it away. Can’t they realize that they’re making  huge mistake in their life by letting go of chances?

내가  미쳐!

Excuse Me

It's normal for a person to be bored, right? It's even more normal for a person to reach her limit and do things she never thought she'd do. Well, I guess I'm off the mark there. You see, I'm normally quiet, alone and emotional [okay cross that one out].

Okay, I just died.

Anyway, today I woke up and was like "Ugh, why is it so noisy?". I opened my eyes and saw my brother toying with his plate, making annoying sounds from it. I glared at him [naturally] and he glared back. Seeing his glare at me, I bowed down and pretended that everything is fine. [My brother is really scary, just so you know. Once, he got pissed off by me and he was like "What is your problem?" and then he threw a punch at me. I even had a purple bruise on my shoulder back then.] So, pretend that it's fine and that it's quiet, I forced myself to sleep a bit more. But HELL! He continued to produce those annoying sound and [I don't know what happened] I just exploded.

Too bad for me because he didn't let me go this time. He stared at me and killed me with his piercing eyes [and I pretended to be dead]. Still playing 'the lucky one', he threw a pillow to me instead of a punch [sigh]. But that still hurts.

I'm glad he left already or else I won't be here typing this entry anymore.

So now, I'm alone here at our house, doing nothing, specifically. [I just thought about this blog a few minutes ago.] Bored. Alone. And emotional [am I really admitting to myself that I'm emotionally unstable?]

Let's just say I am incapable of controlling my emotions [Isn't it still the same? My professors would kill me if they found this out.] I better stop now before I reveal any of my nightmarish secrets [Actually I have to go because my crush is online now. Gotta flirt/fight with him!] Argh, perhaps it'll be better if I'd sleep because only when I'm sleeping do I look like a good kid.

Good night.

Oh, yeah. I remembered. It's the birthday of my cousin/friend/neighbor Patricia Nicole Dela Cruz. Happy Birthday to her!!! She's a good kid[ influenced by our bad habits.] 

I'm new in this thing

I never actually thought I'd create a blog. I guess I went too far now. First, I created an asianfanfics account, then my me2day account. I wonder what I would do next for the sake of my Super Junior addiction.

This guys are just so irresistable. I even wonder why. At first, I totally hate them saying that I can't even understand what they're saying, so leave alone their music. But I ended up this way now...

Spending nights and days of my life surfing the net just to know something more about them. Who could blame me anyway? If you're staring at a man like this 24/7, I guess no one could complain. 

Yes, my beloved Cho Kyu-hyun, the maknae of Super Junior.

And then, for the first time ever in my life, I waited for the release of the album of a singer. [group, actually]. I can't even sleep peacefully at night because of their fifth album. Gawd, I can't even sit still in front of my desktop because the download was taking too long. 

 

I know the image is so small, but anyway, it's the thought that counts, right?

Anyhow, about a few hours ago, I watched the live streaming of Music Bank at KpopStreamOnline and I was like "OMFG! they're on! Kyu-hyun is so hot! Eun-hyuk is so cool! OMG look at Sung-min!" and what-nots. And my brother was like "Shut up!". But, well, don't mind him. And when they announced that Super Junior won! I was screaming to the top of my lungs while my brother screams at me too for me to quiet down.

Congratulations Super Junior!!! [Look at Kyu anyway. Cute, right?]

If you think that I'm only addicted to Super Junior, then you're wrong. I also like SHINee, 2ne1, Big Bang, B2st, FT Island, CN Blue, SS501, MissA, SNSD, 2PM, Boyfriend, DBSK, and many more. Not a K-pop addict, then I guess we could be friends if you like one of these bands/singers; Paramore, All Time Low, Fall Out Boys, The Click5, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry, Justin Beiber, Panic At The Disco, Tokio Hotel, Typecast, and GAWD, so much more.

I'm pretty messed up, aren't I? Well, that's just me. I'm weird and everything, but I find it pretty cool. I'm not weird in a bad way, I'm just weird because I behave differently from any other else. Why is that? Because I'm me; unique and irreplaceable. That's not bad, right?